"Have you heard the one about Oakland Kalinski?" Counselor Jason asked as he drew the flashlight upon his face. The children shrieked, gathered around the campfire. Counselor Jason continued, "Oakland was a troubled child, he grew up to be...a maniac!"

The children jumped.

"Oakland lost all of his teeth at the age of 23 and all of his hair at 24. He stopped cutting his nails at 30 to easier play scratch off lottery tickets. His nails turned brown and curled under his fingers." Emily's father, Paul, interrupted.

"Counselor Jason, i don't think this story is appropriate for children."

"Oakland Kalinski woke up a at 4:00am every morning to the paper boy throwing hot coffee on his face as he slept in the sidewalk, as a result Oakland's face had 3rd degree burns upon burns upon burns. Also he would crap his pants when this happened every morning."

"Counselor i REALLY don't think you should be-"

"Silence! These children must know the truth about OK once and for all! We must stop living in fear!" At this point the children were even more interested, what with their parents disapproval of the story being told.

"These kids are 6 years old, you told us we'd be painting pumpkins...I brought all of this paint. and a pumpkin. Now you're just talking about men shitting themselves."

"Oakland Kalinski didn't always shit himself, sometimes he would relieve himself on random doorsteps throughout the day. Also, he made ends meat by robbing cars at 7-11."

"You are a bad storyteller, Jason, will Counselor Stephanie be back next week?"

"No. No no no no, Counselor Stephanie is at home in my freezer."

At this point the parents began packing up their things and leaving.

"Oh by the way my brother has already slashed all of your tires, fuckers!" Counselor Jason ran the other way into the night. Although nothing was reported missing from the cars, indeed their tires had been slashed.